Some blog posts are for my own record keeping so, as I often do with personal items, I've left the longer posts about my mom's funeral unpublished.
I do want to say how pleased I was that several of my friends came to the funeral. I was having a particularly unemotional day (a relief since I'm a messy crier) and felt a little self-conscious about not being overwhelmed with grief. However, they all know me and it was just the moral support I needed.
Mom is buried just steps from my sister Heather and we put one of the large bouquets from the grandchildren on her grave. The one thing that stood out was the cliche of a giant crow cawing from the pine tree at the head of Heather's grave. Honestly, do funeral homes put out special crow bird-seed to attract them?

We went to Laurel's for the rest of the afternoon. The kids went swimming and I tried out my new Tough 6020 camera.

At some point, they decided we should have dinner so Tara and Ryan went to the store to pick up vegetables and steak. The cousins and Randall did everything and it was a fantastic meal. When the dining table came up one table setting short, I was voted person least qualified to sit at the adult's table and sent outside to the "kids table". I was fine with that since our family is one of story-tellers, each story well-crafted and practiced. And long-winded. The people laugh on cue for the punch line but you just know they're ready to pounce with their amusing tale.

The kids table was way more entertaining! My nieces, nephews and son are fun and witty. And Robin's two boys kept us laughing. John (5 or 6 yrs old) had swallowed so much pool water that he'd thrown up just before dinner. He was lightheaded and loopy, describing in detail the operation he's going to have in a couple of weeks to take skin from his forehead to fix a hole in his ear-drum.

Andrew (maybe 8 yrs old) listed all the R-rated movies he's watched at the homes of his friends and recited lines of dialogue , the nature of which he clearly had no idea. It wasn't anything too shocking, The Hangover, Inglorious Basterds, that sort of thing, but he kept us laughing, never sure exactly why.

We were going to do some karaoke but the dvd was missing from the box and Tara figured it was in Melissa's room which was locked. She hadn't come home and apparently to break into her room meant death or a voodoo curse or something so we had to give up on that idea.

I stayed about 20 minutes too long and by the time we'd dropped Katherine and Isabel off at the hotel and driven home, my ears were buzzing with fatigue and I had a wicked headache. After figuring out which flight they'd take home the next day, the cousins said goodnight. I didn't sleep great - too much rich funeral food and wine I guess.

The next morning, I drove Judi and Linda to the airport and then headed to the club for a paddle. I was exhausted but the lake just had little bumps rolling in towards the harbour so I did a straight out and back. It felt like a short paddle but I still covered 10k and felt MUCH better than I had in days after the enforced inactivity.

So my mom died this morning around 2, in her sleep which is good, no pain. I know, kind of weird to be posting this on my blog but I'm at a loss for what to do and I feel like I need to do something. If it was daytime there would be people to call, things to organize, emails to send, tasks to keep me busy. But here it is, the middle of the night, they couldn't get a hold of my sister, she isn't answering the phone, I've emailed the extended family, made an executive decision not to call my brother in Winnipeg until the morning. I've spoken to him at length over the past couple of days since mom started fading. There's no point in both of us sitting awake in the middle of the night with nothing to do (as it turned out he woke up at 2:17am and never went back to sleep, I totally should have called him).
I've done all the organizing you can do at 3AM. Our terrific email server for work is down so I can't let my boss know that I won't be in tomorrow, I've refreshed the ICF worlds page a million times which strangely doesn't make them post results any faster and I've looked at what's new on facebook. Three times.

We've been expecting this for so long, you'd think I'd have a plan of some kind. The funeral arrangements were made years ago by my parents while they were still healthy. The nursing home said I can come and sit with her until tomorrow morning when they call the coroner so I guess I'll do that.
Something I didn't know: The coronor investigates every 10 deaths in nursing homes so they'll determine where my mom is in the count and if she's not number 10, they'll call the funeral home.

I am tired. Mom's nursing home called on Wednesday morning and said she was unresponsive, dehydrated and they had put her on oxygen. It's difficult to gauge what level of alarm to register since she's been unresponsive since sometime in the mid-2000s and she's spoon-fed meals which consist mostly of thickened liquids and watered-down puddings. Anyway, the fact that they called was enough. I texted Ryan to meet me at the home and headed down there.
The caregiver, Larcy, had been emotional in the morning when she talked to my sister, crying and saying "she's in god's hands now". But Laurel is up at the cottage, planning to come home on Saturday. I told her I'd call when I had more information. Do we sound like callous bitches? I don't know. Since 2005 we've stood in almost every emergency room east of Yonge St. and been told by doctors on at least 3 occasions that mom was dying, wouldn't last out the day. My dad has been at death's door on 5 or 6 separate occasions. Last fall we were told once again that mom wouldn't leave the hospital alive when they discovered she has an inoperable abdominal aortic aneurysm. It could burst at anytime and while they were sure it would kill her within hours last October, she was eventually returned to the nursing home.
Anyway, when I got to the home she appeared comfortable. Apparently she'd had flu-like symptoms on the weekend but nothing that inspired serious concern. She was fine now though. No fever and her colour was good. The oxygen wasn't necessary but they left it on in case she needed it in the night. She'd taken in fluids by the spoonful while never opening her eyes.
We stayed all afternoon and she never woke up or registered our voices. I talked to her about family members and occasions, stood over her while talking to my brother on the phone and then my sister. Not a blink or twitch - other than the Parkinson's kind. The nurse indicated that her blood pressure was normal but her heart rate was high.
This morning, they called to say her blood pressure had dropped dramatically in the night and was still low, heart rate still accelerated. I asked Larcy if she thought I should tell my brother to come home and she said she didn't think so. But she said something along the lines of "it's up to god". Because my mom's religious they think we are too so I just smiled and said, oh mom would like that.
I called Laurel to say she should come home today. I haven't been able to get a hold of her since this afternoon when she texted to say she was on her way. However, she often doesn't respond to her blackberry if she's tired of talking. I can only assume it means status quo.

Day Two (race day):
We had to meet the rest of the team in our hotel lobby at 9:30am. LOVE the late start!! The hotel had told us the db teams couldn't have the free breakfast voucher that regular guests got but we all kept asking for them anyway and eventually they gave them to us. Unfortunately, the restaurant wasn't very good (we didn't go back the next day). I gave my voucher to Katy because she didn't mind the food and Alyson gave hers to a distressed russian guest when the front desk wouldn't replace the one she'd lost.
Since a lot of our regular crew couldn't be there, we had paddlers joining us from all over. As women drifted in we heard a familiar loud voice and noticed the group of women from the subway last night. Oh man, they were part of our group - on Peter's team. We looked at each other uncomfortably, glad we didn't do subway olympics. We would have looked like such a-holes.
Our busdriver Donald was waiting for us outside in the schoolbus. We loaded up and were at the racecourse in minutes. The water looks exactly as I remember - flourescent green and poisonous. Even on gglurth the water is significantly greener than the grass around it.

Doug went to 'Command Central' (no kidding, that's what they called it) and got our tent number along with a few free cases of Zico coconut water - plain, lemon-lime and pomegranate. Coconut water is supposedly the best new post-workout recovery drink so we were all interested in checking it out. It was warm so not completely appealing but we figured it would taste better chilled. I thought the pomegranate was really good but ending up drinking quite a bit of the plain at the end of the day when I ran out of water. And since we didn't have any spares, the organizers also provided us with drummers for the 2 crews from MCC. Our drummer was Lily, a paddler from one of the Flushing junior crews.

Our first race was a 250m at 11:48 but they were already behind schedule. We sat in the marshalling area for ages but finally got out on the water. Without exaggeration it was the most brutal 250m I've ever done. The water is incredibly shallow - maybe 1m. The boat just plowed the entire time. We only had 18 in the boat (it's the rules at this event) and there is no describing what a struggle it was. We won by a boat length.

We changed into dry clothes and went into the festival market to check things out. There wasn't a lot there, mostly insurance companies and telephone service providers with long lineups of asian people patiently waiting for a free giveaway fan or spin at a wheel of fortune. This is the scene at every db festival I've been to and I never understand it.

We got some great bbq'd chicken on a stick and watermelon spears and sat on a curb in the shade watching kite flyers and skywriters advertising Geico.

Soon it was time to get ready to race again. We were all pretty grateful there was only a 500m left. None of us could imagine doing, say, a 2K on this lake!

We loaded the boat and got onto the water before the other crews so we could try out a different setup. The plug was out on the front air pocket and water poured from it into the boat as we warmed up. So much water that someone in the middle started bailing. We were set up back heavy, hoping to lift the bow during the race. It was worse though, it still plowed but now with the broader part of the hull, so we did one more start to empty the hull and then had the back benches shift forward. No more water came out so I put the plug back in and secured it with a twist.

This race was even worse than the first and not just because it was twice the distance. I can't even explain. It felt like we were driving the boat through mud and we couldn't raise the stroke rate above 51-53. While 2/3rds of the boat would have been able to sustain it, a higher rate would have thrown the other third for a loop. The force of water in the hull must have forced the plug out because I looked down at one point and water was once again pouring out of the front.

We won by half a boat. Based on the 250m, I was surprised we didn't drop the other boats more but when reviewing the race in my head, I remembered seeing our wash spreading in a flat line from our bow waaay out across the lanes on either side. Another result of the shallow water.

Later, someone told me we had the 2nd fastest time of the day for all divisions but I just went to the nyhk website and the results just show standings, not times. I guess posting those plodding times would be bad publicity for the event.

This was a money races so while we changed and packed up our gear, Doug went to find out about the awards. He came back with our medals and a promise from organizers that "the cheque is in the mail."

We don't even know how much we won. The website was a little vague.

Did we win $500 + $500 + $1500 or just  $1500? Plus the "subject to change" line.

Well, the whole thing is sketchy. I don't mean to be cynical but I've raced at this event before - in 2001 - and when the Canadian mixed crew won (seems to me it was $3000 that year) we were told, "Oh sorry, you should have read the fine print. Only American crews are eligible for the cash". The coach was pretty pissed because he'd discussed this with the organizer several times on the phone before planning to travel to the event and was always told there was no problem.

We didn't mind. We were sponsored by Continental Airlines and they'd covered our flights, accommodations & uniforms. On top of that one of the directors (who paddled with us) took us to really fab restaurants the whole time we were there. After the races he was very excited about our win and promised we would be Continental's corporate crew and could expect many more paid trips to events around the world (they had recently announced the first non-stop flight between New York & Hong Kong). We were all pretty pumped about that but you can understand why we were not at all upset when it never materialized. A month later 2 airplanes flew into the Twin Towers. The airline industry flatlined and Continental had more important things to think about.

Anyway, you can see why we were a little sceptical about receiving our prize money. Again though, it was all good. We'd had a fun time so far with still one night and one full day to ourselves.

NY ROAD TRIP!!

Doug's women's teams are heading to New York for the Flushing Meadows db event. It's our second of 3 races for this season so we've been looking forward to it. Plus, our last db road trip to New York was such a good time, we're hoping to top it!

Day One:
On Friday, Katy got to my house around 4:20am and we drove over to get Eve. She's always ready and waiting on her doorstep so we were a little surprised when we pulled up to a dark house and no sign of Eve. Katy went up and stuck her head in the door and then walked back to the car laughing.
Eve had been all ready to go but when she walked out the door, she'd almost stepped on a tiny black kitten sleeping on their porch. It had been hanging around their place for a day or two but it wouldn't let her pick it up and her cat would hiss and growl at it. She's such a softy and was worried about it. She didn't want to leave it out there but Clifford wasn't about to get out of bed to wrangle it. We tried to convince her that it probably lived in the neighbourhood and would get found by it's owners so really, there was nothing else to do but get on the road!
Chrissy was sitting on her bag at the door of their building, then we got Rachel and drove to Alyson & Dray's. We stowed our gear and piled into the rented van, picked up Chanda and headed for the border! Well, after a stop at the Bronte Tim Hortons, that is.

It was so great to be on a road trip with this group of women again! We travelled together so much up until a couple of years ago so we immediately slipped into familiar patterns which meant a lot of laughing.
Alyson took the first shift and ended up driving most of the way. She's a great driver and enjoys it so it worked out well. Eve took the second shift and we hit Woodbury Commons, about 90 minutes outside of New York, around noon.
This place is the outlet mall to end all outlet malls. It's the Disneyland of shopping. No joke. Here's the satellite view (I don't think this gives a true indication of the scale but that large gray mass is it);

There are so many stores and I'd guess 3km of trails but when you factor in the backtracking and looping around, we probably walked closer to 6km. Our prime destination was the Lululemon outlet but oh my god, there is every store you can imagine! I didn't actually buy much except a bottle of water and a long T at Miss Sixty but that was probably due to sensory overload. If I had gone with a specific item in mind, I would have been able to break the bank!

We loaded up the van again, this time with Chanda driving, and made our way to the hotel in Queens. I have got to get me a GPS. Alyson had borrowed her partner's Garmin and I don't know how we would have found our digs for the weekend without it.

Originally we'd tried to get a 2 bedroom suite for the 6 of us but when I called, the hotel was mostly booked so the best I could do was one double room and a 1 bedroom suite with a king size bed and pull-out couch. I also booked a rollaway so the 4 of them would be fairly comfortable. Katy had decided to come at the last minute and they were able to find a spot for her.
Alyson and I got to our room and discovered we had an ENORMOUS rooftop terrace! We tried to organize a little cocktail party both nights we were there but everyone was so busy it never happened. We've decided to do another trip to NYC - just for shopping - and stay in the same place.

We met up with Nancy, Liz, Karen & Patti in the lobby and the 11 of us jumped on the number 7 straight to Times Square. After dinner in O'Lunney's Pub we joined the flow of humanity on Broadway. Alyson was looking for a particular store that sells a popular doll and accessories but we were unsuccessful.

On the subway ride back to Queens, we overheard a loud woman's voice talking about db and how important it is to "use the bicep". We figured they must be our New York competition. We were laughing and thinking maybe a round of subway olympics was in order but never followed through (seriously, we're not that arrogant it's just that the bus olympics were so much fun in Berlin, we'd use any excuse to have them in NYC).

Some things are more fun when you're doing them yourself. Others are more fun when you're watching someone else do them.
Having a mid-life crisis, for example. It is way more entertaining to watch someone going through one than it is to live it.
I had a mid-life crisis in my early 40s. It was loud, messy and pathetically predictable. It was also endlessly amusing to the (much younger) people around me. At the time I didn't understand why but now that the flip flop is on the other foot, I totally get it. It's fun to watch someone spin out of control. And you don't have to feel guilty about laughing because they will tell you a hundred times that they just don't care how they look 'cause they're having so much fun.
I bet a third of all tabloid sales can be directly attributed to celebrity MLCs. It's so predictable that there's even a slot machine called Mid-Life Crisis. The right combination of symbols can reward you with a coin bonus or, if you have too many "adventures", a madly pumping heart symbol.

So here are the signs of  an MLC (or a to-do list, depending on your point of view);

- acquiring a brand new, age-inappropriate wardrobe - should be at least one size too small.
- end/abandon that long-term relationship you worked so hard to build
- acquire a new group of  'friends with benefits', preferably younger and/or more attractive than your ex. Bonus if they also make more money.
- a new tattoo or piercing
- a stocked bar and your single friends on speed dial.
- getting fat and flaunting it. Women tend to lose weight during a mid-life crisis although some, along with the men, gain weight. What with all the drinking and take out food, it's unavoidable. The thing about older fatties is they really embrace the pudge and the way it looks in their new wardrobe. On the plus size, uh side, you get unlimited use out of that line, "there's more of me to love".
- increased investment in lotions and potions (skin cream for women, viagra & rogaine for men)
- a new vehicle - a shiny red convertible or motorcycle may not be in the cards once you're reduced to a single income and facing the high cost of divorce lawyers, but it's completely cool if you can convince a honey to invest in one that you get to drive! (on that topic, I love this quote, "A man with a midlife crisis buys a corvette, a man with a lamborghini has no crisis." --Joseph "Rev Run" Simmons)
- a puppy or kitten - nothing establishes your singleness and separate household like a fur-baby. Be prepared to make a thoughtful gift of it to a honey once it has chewed up your favourite shoes.
- attending concerts of the latest and greatest bands/singers. So what if the kids point and whisper "narc". (do they even use that word anymore?)
- a new vocabulary. Suddenly, everyone is like, dude and brah
- taking up a new (possibly extreme) sport - no surprise that beach vollyball courts, spin classes and dragon boats are filled with adult-onset athletes. They're so hardcore.
- a gym membership. You may only use it twice but the fact that you have one makes you feel like you're taking matters into your own hands.

I'm sure I've missed a few. If I'd kept a blog back then, I'd just check it for reminders but I'm glad I didn't. It's not a period of my life that I want to examine too closely. After the dust settled, my mantra became "Relax, no one ever died of embarrassment". You might want to keep that in mind if you're going through a midlife crisis or planning one in the near future.