Urgh...in terms of motivation and self-regard, I've hit, if not the bottom, the shelf before the bottom. The garden is all weedy, the garage and basement are stacked with furniture waiting to be put on Craigslist, car needs service, the showers in 2 bathrooms spray water everywhere because I never get around to replacing the washers, piles of laundry to fold... The doctor called, my last set of tests showed 'something' but I have put off making an appointment to run the tests again. okay, obviously those are all symptoms and not the real issue.
Anyway, tonight I have the flu so after an indifferent paddle, I skipped my Spanish class. I put on some sweats from 2001 (that barely fit anymore) and was pulling a Homer in front of the tv when I remembered that my car has been threatening to throw a rod for the past 1000km. If I don't put some oil in it, you're going to see me standing on the side of the highway with black smoke pouring out of the engine.
I pulled on a hoody, my black Canada one from 2004. Yep, I've resorted to wearing old, oversized sports clothes. And worse, it was black on black. The dreaded (almost) matching sweatsuit. Might as well just book my ride to Casino Rama now. I pulled my greasy hair into a ponytail and drove to the PetroCan in Clarkson. Tugging the hood up over my head, I pumped some gas before grabbing 3 quarts of 10w-30 from the rack. I tossed in a Reeses Peanut butter cup as I cashed out. What the hell? How is that going to help?
When I got home, I tried to figure out where the self-sabotage is coming from. The only conclusion is that my life has stagnated. I've got lots going on but at the end of the day it's just treading water. It's like I just left this room that was my life of training and racing and everything that entails and now I'm standing in the corridor - do I go forward, or back into that room. Neither option is completely heinous but I've become far too comfortable in the hallway... decision time... re-decorate or find a new room.