I don't understand how my mother is still alive. Curled into herself, not an ounce of flesh on her, fetal, she looks like a newly hatched, bird-creature. My sister has been keeping up this front that she's cognizant and comfortable, claiming she sings along with long-forgotten hymns but while I was there she kept her knees pulled tight into her chest and sucked in her cheeks with the pain. The only sounds she made were a steady stream of whispered nonsense or humming; definitely hymn-like but nothing recognizable. Is it over-dramatic to say funereal? That's exactly the sound of humming & moaning combined. When I pointed out her posture and obvious distress, the nurse ran to get her Tylenol 3s. They know.

I sat there while her caregiver went on about how my mom only responds to her voice, how close their relationship has become in just a few weeks. I've heard this from every caregiver, every time my dad or mom is diagnosed as having only a few days to live. Job security. They know there's a time limit on the position and are looking for the big tip while the family are vulnerable. I don't blame them. Day to day care for a senior is a shitty job that families don't want/aren't capable to take on.

After that I visited my dad who has improved quite a bit since we hired a professional nurse to augment the care provided by his psw. We have not told him about Graham dying or mom's illness. It would be too much.

I came home and, in spite of the beautiful weather, couldn't find a way to lift myself off the couch. I wanted to go for a paddle but the club is locked. Sunday afternoon polo has moved indoors and I didn't have the foresight to car-top my boat home. I raked my front lawn and then fell asleep for 3 hours.

Anyway, not to say I didn't have some happy distractions this weekend. On Friday night, I went to Katy's new condo with Carrie. Katy was babysitting Hailey and Brady. Of course she put out her usual, tasty spread of food and poured endless martinis. We had Tom Sellick as Magnum P.I. playing in the background while we checked out her great new place. Anita came by later. I think we're all wiped out a bit by our "lives" but it was a nice chance to catch up. Katy's new place has me thinking about a condo again. She is looking directly over High Park and has a beautiful view of the skyline which includes the CN Tower and Lakeshore. She can watch the airshow and fireworks right from her living room or balcony! Not to mention access to Bloor West Village, amazing restaurants and the subway. Really, it's an ideal location.

On Saturday, I went to a Hallowe'en party. I didn't have a costume in mind, just bits and pieces. Eventually, I decided I was a can-can dancer and it worked out OK. It was one of those parties where I didn't know anyone except the host and hostess and everyone's married. understandably, it was really difficult to get conversations going so I ended up in the kitchen with a bunch of young mothers, listening to recounts of pregnancy/labour and kids-not-sleeping-teething-husband-not-helping-can't-lose-weight-maybe-just-one-more-pumpkin-cupcake. Still nice to get out and be pulled out of my life. I was wearing false eyelashes made out of feathers. I was sceptical about them staying on all night but learned that false-eyelash glue really does hold if you get the right kind (but always bring the tube along for touch-ups)!