So. I've retired from the women's team. I started to type that it wasn't a difficult decision due to my age but I'm going to amend that - it's not an unexpected decision.
It was a difficult decision.

Difficult because being on the team has added so much to my life; the people, the goals, the trips, the competition (and of course the winning). Difficult too because it's easy to stay involved with a team like this. They always need people to fill the boat or organize something, drive the coach boat or hold the video camera. However I realized that if I'm not racing, it's not where I want to be. And hopefully I'll be too busy with other endeavours.

I think it was slightly less difficult because I'd faced the possibility of leaving the team before. Just before we left for Berlin in 2005, my Mom, who has advanced Parkinson's, finally got a spot in a nursing home. A day later my Dad was diagnosed with cancer (non-Hodgkin's lymphoma). Their care became the dominant focus for my siblings and me so it seemed time to quit paddling. Since we were so close to leaving I was torn between the two committments. It's not difficult for another paddler to step into stroke just before a major event but it's not an ideal situation. My sister was great and assured me that my parents' health would not decline drastically in the couple of weeks I would be away.

The whole time we were in Germany I felt terrible, afraid that one of my parents would disappear before I came home. It was too hard and I decided this would be my last worlds. We made history in Berlin by sweeping the event with 3 gold medals. I was glad I went but barely remember anything other than an overwhelming sense of worry and guilt.

Our coaches always say that the end of the season is never the time to make decisions about next year so I chose to enjoy the break and let things be. As my parents lives settled into a "new normal", I continued to paddle.

Just before winter training started up in 2006 Jackie, and then Blake, announced that they would be retiring from the crew. It sounded like a good idea. And why not leave while we're on top? In the end I stayed on because I love the team and the training - it wouldn't hurt to do some extra pool paddling and weights and to see my friends regularly. Underlying everything though, was the concern that I wouldn't make the cut. For the past 18 months my training had taken a back seat and there were a number of times I kicked myself for not leaving before the season started. Then I made the short list and forgot all about that. I was going to Australia!

I am so glad I decided to stay this last year because I can retire and be content with it. We swept the 2007 Worlds (this time winning a fourth gold medal in an add-on event we never raced before - the 2k) and I got to travel with the tightest group of friends since Poland.

It also helps that the next Worlds are back in Poznan, Poland where this crew made it's debut. Serendipitous actually, since the 2009 Worlds were supposed to be held in Moscow. This way I can leave feeling things have come full-circle.