Ahhh. Nothing like an evening of shopping with a friend to help shake off the crap of the day. After a super-shitty day and a decent workout on the lake, I met Tamlyn in the weight room so we could head up to Sq. One.

First stop was the food court of course, for a smoothie and some hot and greasy NY fries. I was looking for boots and/or shoes and Tamlyn was "just looking".

We went EVERYWHERE and tried on EVERYTHING. Tamlyn lived up to her marathoner rep. At one point she looked like she might be ready to pack it in but when I asked if she wanted to head home she looked shocked and said, "Why? Are you tired out already??" (She was polite enough not to add "old woman").

It wasn't until the last couple of stores that we each actually bought anything. I got some loafers in Geox and Tamlyn got a really hot dress in, oh what's that store? It's like Dynamite but not Dynamite. Anyway, they were already locking up when Tamlyn went into the changeroom loaded up with clothes. When she came out in the dress, I took a pic with my iPhone and got in trouble from the salesgirl, who was like 12. Something about fashion espionage, covert operations. Like we were going to get our grannies to sew up a line of frocks based on my iphone pics!! She didn't really get the irony of that accusation considering their entire stock is made up of designs pilfered from the prêt-à-porter of last year's runways. But she was keeping the store open for us, so she was cool.

Tamlyn looked ohsome (again, that's what it sounds like when she says it) in everything but she ended up with a super hot dress for the awards banquet on Friday night. And it was on SALE. Even though I did get away with one photo, I'm not going to post it. Don't want to blow her look. So Megan Fox.

And it went so well with the lobster toque.

The Richard Dalton Fall Classic made it into the Globe & Mail’s best photos from the last 24 hours.

But Sir, this will always be the real Richard Dalton Fall Classic.

I don't understand how my mother is still alive. Curled into herself, not an ounce of flesh on her, fetal, she looks like a newly hatched, bird-creature. My sister has been keeping up this front that she's cognizant and comfortable, claiming she sings along with long-forgotten hymns but while I was there she kept her knees pulled tight into her chest and sucked in her cheeks with the pain. The only sounds she made were a steady stream of whispered nonsense or humming; definitely hymn-like but nothing recognizable. Is it over-dramatic to say funereal? That's exactly the sound of humming & moaning combined. When I pointed out her posture and obvious distress, the nurse ran to get her Tylenol 3s. They know.

I sat there while her caregiver went on about how my mom only responds to her voice, how close their relationship has become in just a few weeks. I've heard this from every caregiver, every time my dad or mom is diagnosed as having only a few days to live. Job security. They know there's a time limit on the position and are looking for the big tip while the family are vulnerable. I don't blame them. Day to day care for a senior is a shitty job that families don't want/aren't capable to take on.

After that I visited my dad who has improved quite a bit since we hired a professional nurse to augment the care provided by his psw. We have not told him about Graham dying or mom's illness. It would be too much.

I came home and, in spite of the beautiful weather, couldn't find a way to lift myself off the couch. I wanted to go for a paddle but the club is locked. Sunday afternoon polo has moved indoors and I didn't have the foresight to car-top my boat home. I raked my front lawn and then fell asleep for 3 hours.

Anyway, not to say I didn't have some happy distractions this weekend. On Friday night, I went to Katy's new condo with Carrie. Katy was babysitting Hailey and Brady. Of course she put out her usual, tasty spread of food and poured endless martinis. We had Tom Sellick as Magnum P.I. playing in the background while we checked out her great new place. Anita came by later. I think we're all wiped out a bit by our "lives" but it was a nice chance to catch up. Katy's new place has me thinking about a condo again. She is looking directly over High Park and has a beautiful view of the skyline which includes the CN Tower and Lakeshore. She can watch the airshow and fireworks right from her living room or balcony! Not to mention access to Bloor West Village, amazing restaurants and the subway. Really, it's an ideal location.

On Saturday, I went to a Hallowe'en party. I didn't have a costume in mind, just bits and pieces. Eventually, I decided I was a can-can dancer and it worked out OK. It was one of those parties where I didn't know anyone except the host and hostess and everyone's married. understandably, it was really difficult to get conversations going so I ended up in the kitchen with a bunch of young mothers, listening to recounts of pregnancy/labour and kids-not-sleeping-teething-husband-not-helping-can't-lose-weight-maybe-just-one-more-pumpkin-cupcake. Still nice to get out and be pulled out of my life. I was wearing false eyelashes made out of feathers. I was sceptical about them staying on all night but learned that false-eyelash glue really does hold if you get the right kind (but always bring the tube along for touch-ups)!

So my mom was taken to hospital again yesterday morning - fever & abdominal pain. I spent the entire day worrying that it was her appendix because it would be inoperable given her condition. My sister stayed at the hospital to ensure they admitted her. They generally try to ship geriatrics back to their nursing homes. This is the downside of socialized medicine. They want to keep turning the beds over and they definitely don't want to be doing the paperwork on somebody who has just reached their time to go. You can be sure if we were paying for it, they'd be falling all over themselves offering procedures and treatments.

My sister and I texted back and forth all day and around 3:30 she sent one saying "mom doesn't even have her appendix anymore! Who knew?". She twigged to it after an orderly who was assisting in the room commented, "Wow, you don't see appendix scars that big anymore."

Anyway, Laurel called late last night and they finally had a diagnosis - abdominal aortic aneurysm - add to that inoperable. It's caused by breakdown of the aortic wall and just keeps getting worse until it ruptures.
You know, every time one of my parents goes into the hospital, the staff says "there's nothing we can do, your father/mother only has hours/days/weeks left" and every time, they've responded to antibiotics and fluids and bounced back. Anyway, this time they advise us there is no bouncing back. And then right after, they say "it could be tonight, it could be 6 months from now." The one thing they're sure of is it's painful. Poor mom. The only possible blessing is, since she's so far gone with dementia, maybe she isn't aware. She appears to be comfortable and only shows pain when the doctor presses on her abdomen but who knows, it's not like she can tell us anything. I guess we'll know more in the next few days.
On the plus side, she's in Scarborough General where my brother-in-law built the emergency wing and is on the board of directors. My sister just had to go in and say her name for mom to get the VIP treatment.

Canoe Kayak Canada's new boss

Lorraine Lafrenière named as new head of Canoe-Kayak Canada .

Anne Merklinger is moving on to become director of summer sports for the Own the Podium program.

In this photo Lorraine (second from your right) & Anne tee off at a "Drive for the Podium" event.

I don't know if there's a connection between full moons and lost items but after this last turn of the cycle I was practically tripping over things I thought were lost and gone forever.

I've been searching for my neoprene pants, vest and boots since the lake temperature dropped. After turning the house upside down, I found the boots but gave up on the other stuff. Then, in one of those epiphanies that only happen when you're mostly asleep at 4am (I was awakened by the full moon shining in on my face), I realized that they were right were I left them after the last cold paddle in April - under the flipped down backseat in my car. When I got up in the morning, I checked and there they were. And right next to them was the 8gig flash card I thought I'd lost at an airport security check. Okay, my car may not seem like a dark, forgotten, cubby hole were single socks go to die but I never, NEVER, raise the back seats.

That evening as I pulled in the driveway I was looking at the giant moon, wondering how you tell if it's waxing or waning. I mean, was last night the full moon? Tonight? I was still mulling it over as I got my dinner ready and came across several hundred dollars worth of euros and US $$ that I'd tucked in the cutlery drawer when I got home from Amsterdam. That one had almost made me crazy! I knew I'd put the cash somewhere but because of my jet-lagged condition, it was somewhere totally uncharacteristic.

I just googled 'full moon lost items" and there is a connection - in wicca, where the spell for finding lost items should be cast under a full moon. Hmmm, my belief system falls somewhere between patron saints and charms and hexes so....whatever, yay me!

Such a good feeling to be home for 7 days in a row. I wasn't 100% going into the weekend but by Friday night, I needed to get out of the house. I met up with Andrea Paiement, the original princess. I haven't seen her since the end of May, just after her 2nd little girl was born, so it was long overdue. We went to a movie (Couples Retreat) and then had a drink/dessert at Jack Astor's. She cracks me up! I'm so glad we've stayed in touch over the years. She's become such a good friend.

On Saturday morning, a bunch of us met up in Oakville and went out in outrigger. It was beautiful and sunny but chilly. Neoprene boots, toques, Lifa's, Crafts and jackets. There were nine of us - Nancy, Terri, Karen S., Eve, Chrissy, Jess, Chanda, Kara and me. Since there were so many of us, we took out the double-hull. They've rigged 2 OC-6s together, no amas, and it's a great way to get a larger group out training together. The boat is way more stable than the single-hull and really gets some speed.

We paddled down Sixteen Mile creek to the mouth of the harbour and everyone cheered! There were pretty big rollers coming in. We paddled on the lake for a little more than an hour and it was awesome (still no other word to express that feeling). I've been really bored with my same old routine in PC, but this was the proverbial breath of fresh air. Training with a group of people and working hard, not just for yourself but to make the boat go better as a whole. I still haven't quite got the feel of riding waves in the big boat but it'll come with time. I guess it'll have to wait until next year since it's unlikely we'll get out again before it snows. The club is planning to put the boats in storage some time this week. Too bad since we're going to get a reprieve with temps in the double-digits.

Back at the dock we did a quick change at our cars and separated, with the C4 planning to meet up at Port Credit GO at 2:43. We're going to the TFC game - last home game for the season.

Oh my god, such a great time. It was sunny enough to be pleasant but only Eve was smart enough to bring mittens (for the beer holding hand). Chrissy brought a giant backpack that contained her clothes for the evening and one...GIANT...electric blue...SNUGGIE. It was hilarious and she endured some good-natured ribbing from the other fans in our section. And proving once again that hot girls can do/wear anything and still get positive attention! Oh yeah, that reminds me - when we came through the gate, there was no giveaway which kind of surprised me since we were early. We were sharing a table with some random guys in the beer garden and Chrissy asked one guy where he got the toque - he said they were giving it away at the gate. Eve and I offered to watch the beer if Jess & Chrissy went to beg some with our tickets. They were gone a really long time but came back after successfully scoring 4 TFC toques!

We hung out with the guys in the beer garden until it was time for the train. Jon Loek met us on the platform with his bike. He's going to be working Toronto Fashion Week for BlogTO which is pretty exciting news and means his career in photography is really taking off.

Attila, Pete and Jess got off at Mimico - they were going on a triple date to see Couples Retreat - Eve and I got off at Port Credit and Schro and Dylan went on to Clarkson. Eve and I had to walk back down the length of the train in order to disembark. Because of construction, they're only opening the doors on the last five cars at the PC stop.

I'll write about Sunday and the photos below a little later. I'm heating up my Thai takeout leftovers and they smell fantastic! I'm starving.

I've still been going out to paddle on the lake but boy did the water temperature drop fast. I finally got out the neoprene boots on Wednesday. Last night I decided I should probably be wearing the neoprene pants too or stay within the harbour/river. I hear the river is really shallow though. One of the rowers said they don't even go above the thousand because it's too shallow beyond that. But I think the paddlers are still going up to the QEW.

No matter where you paddle though, it's difficult to stay motivated in this weather. There are constant distractions "my hands are cold, wow that last wave was really cold, now my pants are wet and cold, what do those seagulls want? Do I look like I have food?" (several times this year a single seagull has flown alongside me for long stretches. I know they equate humans with food but they've always ignored me in the past - becauuuuse, that's right, I'm paddling, not eating.)

After about an hour I headed into the river. As I passed under the Lakeshore, I could see some unprecedented activity at the rowers dock. Some of them are heading down to Boston this weekend for the Head of the Charles (Marisha will be racing in an 8 for Toronto Sculling Club) so I thought maybe that would account for the numbers of people and vehicles but as I cleared the bushes, I could see that all of the cars were Peel Regional Police. Three cars in total... and a boat... 8 officers. I was briefly concerned that someone had called in about me being out on the lake (people can be weird sometimes) but they were all looking up the river.

When I got into the dock, the kids filled me in. Someone driving by on the QEW had made a 911 call saying they'd seen a paddler fall in by the bridge. The coaches were able to elaborate further. Apparently the driver had waited until they got home before making the call and told the dispatcher they'd seen someone fall in and become separated from their boat. Forget that it's so shallow up there that you can stand up in the middle and there's no current, none of our paddlers had gone in, nor any of the rowers and no one had a seen any randoms in recreational boats. There was a fisherman up there who confirmed for the police that there'd been no such incident in the 2 hours he'd been there. Whatever this person saw is a mystery, maybe a deer or coyote crossing the river? Either way, I'm impressed by the response from the police. They were still there when I left the club, so maybe there actually was some reason for them to be there.

Hey, Jessie's getting married this weekend - have an amazing day, Jessie!

Susan's husband Philip put together this short video tribute to Graham. In some of the later photos you can see the distinct line down his chin where it was split open to remove a tumour from his throat. He came home from Hong Kong to have the surgery in Toronto and I remember him showing it to me before they took it out. It was the size of a baseball and looked disturbingly like a baby was about to be born through his mouth.
In spite of a political career that took him far from the prairies, Graham was a cowboy in every sense. He and Isabel had only recently sold their farm (a heartbreaking decision but a necessary one considering his heart condition) and the day he died, had just finalized the sale of his last few horses.

I got up at 4am to catch a 6am flight to Regina to attend Graham's funeral (cousin, not brother). There was no question that I'd attend but being thanksgiving weekend and all, the cost of flights were grossly inflated. My cousin is a ticket agent and found me one which, even with her discount, was almost $600. It had a stopover in Winnipeg which worked out since my uncle and 3 cousins live there. The plan was to meet up with them and we'd fly to Regina together. From there we'd rent a car for the hour long drive to Wolesley. The rest of the family knew we'd be getting to the funeral just as it started.
Well, doesn't our flight from Winnipeg to Regina get cancelled. They said it was because the floor strip lighting wasn't working which, although it doesn't seem important, is considered a "no go" technical issue. I suspect it had more to do with the fact there were less than 10 people on the flight.
There were only a couple of options available; take a later flight to Regina at 2:45 or fly to Calgary around noon for a 2 hour layover before flying to Regina. Either choice would put me in Regina just in time to catch my 6:30 flight home and no time to pay my respects to Graham.
My ticket-agent cousin was able to get me on a flight home to Toronto in the afternoon so we had brunch and a mini-memorial at the airport Sheraton before they left me on my own at the airport.
I'm home now and I really do feel like a big bag of poo. I said this just last week but seriously, no more airports...please!

I was hoping to get down to the club this morning but I had to wait for the dishwasher installation guy to come. He actually showed up around the time he said he would. The appliances in my house are gradually breaking so I'm replacing them one by one. By the time he was finished, I didn't have much time to do anything so just ran errands until it was time to catch the Go down to the TFC game.
The game started at 4:00 so I opted for the later train at 3:38. It meant I missed the start of the game but I'm never too worried about that. Ryan was already down there and I had just texted him that I'd be there soon and to pick me up a beer when there was a loud bang and the window of the seat in front of me shattered - not inward, it stayed intact as they're intended but it was wrecked. The guy beside me said it had been a huge rock. Crazy.
To be honest, the game wasn't anything special. We scored early on but then let in a goal at the 90 minute mark (esquire added time). What a waste.
Danielle called me while we were hanging around waiting for the stands to clear. She was down in the beer garden. We headed over and the guys couldn't decide what they wanted to do, have a beer or leave immediately. Roche settled it by going up and ordering for everyone. I had just gotten the high sign that my ride was leaving when I finally saw Danielle and her cute boy. She's only been away at school for 6 weeks but already she looks older - and so pretty! Actually, she and the boy made a really attractive couple (which, for the record, they're not).
The boys taking the GO back to Clarkson were well-oiled and I was just as happy to catch the ride offered by Jeff. He dropped me at my car and I decided to pick up some last minute items for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Ryan's coming over early.
I have to be at the airport Monday morning for a 6am flight so want to be in bed fairly early.

Last weekend I flew to Saskatchewan for the 50th wedding anniversary of my (mom's) cousin Graham Taylor and his wife, Isabel. This side of the family is awesome fun and we've gotten really close in the last few years. Graham and Isabel have filled the void unintentionally left by my parents through their respective disabilities. The Taylors call and sing happy birthday in two part harmony on my birthday and have added me to the bi-monthly phone chain along with their daughters, sons, nieces and nephews.
The party had to be held at the opera house to accommodate the some 250+ guests with a full meal and dance afterwards. We had a great time! The immediate family got together an hour early and toasted the couple with champagne and lots of speeches about our luck in still having Graham with us for this milestone event. Back in March he was in hospital having his 2nd multi-bypass surgery (he had his first heart attack at 26 years old).
After he was discharged from the hospital, I called Graham and laughed when he told me, in the most humorous way, that he was going to have a party for every event from now on because he'd rather have a party while he's alive than a wake after he's gone. I told him that would be awesome and I would come out west for every party he cared to throw.
It was so great to see Graham back to his old self on Saturday night - wearing his kilt, dancing with all of his grand-daughters and random single ladies. There were lots of wonderful speeches about, and by, the couple, their family and friends. Graham had called earlier in the week and asked me to take photos of the event and I have a couple thousand on my flash card.
When I woke up this morning and saw a missed, late-night call from my cousin, Susan, I knew without picking up the message that Graham was gone. I don't know the details except that it happened suddenly last night.
I'm heading back to Saskatchewan early Monday morning for his funeral but I don't feel as sad as I might. All of the loving, respectful words about his wonderful (charmed) life have already been spoken in the best possible way - with him there to hear them. He had the right attitude to life and I'm glad that he spent his last weekend celebrating a milestone with his wife, laughing and dancing, surrounded by family, friends and his community.

I already try to make it to every event for my family and friends but don't be surprised if you start getting evites from me every month!

A lot of us watch the film Without Limits, about Steve Prefontaine, before a big race or when we need inspiration in training. The thing that stuck with me most (and almost defeated me) was a comment made by Oregon track coach, Bill Bowerman. It was something to the effect that the only way an athlete can get through the day to day workouts, season after season is to figure out a personal reason why it's so important to be the fastest to go between A and B.
I struggled with this because really, why was I, at 40+ years, trying to compete with sub-25 year olds. Anyone who saw me trying to balance in a C1 must have wondered that too.
In the end, the reason was supplied by the question - the fact that I could compete was reason enough. Does that make sense? I guess it can be summed up by a quote from Pre, "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift".
I was lucky that everyone at Missy was encouraging and supportive. Eventually, I was able to remove age from the equation and learn to work through fatigue and disappointment during a workout or race. I would take inspiration where I found it - if I was struggling during a running workout, passing a senior with a walker presented the reality that I wouldn't always be able to just throw on some gear and head out for a run. Grateful for my 'two feet and a heartbeat', I always found a second wind. Suddenly, I was no longer doing a workout - I'd remember that I actually LOVE running.
Anyway, a lot of friends are racing in the Moloka'i hoe this coming weekend so I was checking out the outrigger forum on ocpaddler and came across this post from Kekoa under "Who are you racing for?" At first I rolled my eyes as it appeared to be just another bleeding heart, count-your-blessings speech. But reading to the end brought me face-to-face with that familiar struggle to stay motivated. Seriously, for all of us there are days when just getting out of bed is a challenge. These guys are about to race the 42 miles from Molokai to Oahu. I'm sure many who read Kekoa's words will think of them somewhere in the middle of the race and instead of pain and fatigue will think only of the gift; the will, the strength, the kinship, the ocean.

I racing for my family, friends and loved ones. I racing for the children and adults with disease and handicaps. I racing for all the people starving and suffering, especially the children, in the world. I racing for the homeless who not because of being lazy or drugs just cannot afford to live in a home. I racing for those who are no longer with us (unfortunately too many to name). I racing for the child who’s parents don’t give a shit about them. I racing for the person who feels like an outcast and that they have nobody. I racing for whoever doesn’t feel loved. Does me racing for them change anything? Probably not. I no care. They are who I think about when I get tired or my body gets sore or I start feeling sorry for myself. And they are the ones that make me feel so lucky to be able to go out and compete in this endeavor. that’s all that matters. Might sound like bullshit and I getting too deep, but it is exactly what I think about everytime I go paddle. Because who really gives a rip who wins the Molokai? Gotta be more than winning cause there are over a hundred crews who not going win. So I ask, who are you racing for?